I shut off my engine when all of a sudden the back-up lights of the truck came on. My Central Nervous System immediately went to an Amber Alert. With no time to start my vehicle and reverse away from the truck, I honked my horn like a mad man. "Meep, Meep, Meep" cried my MINI. But the cries of desperation from under the hood failed. The driver was not looking over his shoulder, using either of his mirrors (nor the ears on the sides of his aged head apparently), and while casually looking out his front window while travelling in the other direction, he smacked right into the front end of my car.
I stepped out of the MINI as the gentleman drove forward into the parking space he originally occupied. He climbed down from his truck leaving it running, and again his back-up lights came on, this time with no one behind the wheel. WHAM! Collision number two – and less than 30 seconds apart! Another unbelievable YouTube moment missed.
The man got into his truck, pulled forward once again, and shut the vehicle off. He then tells me that "I just had my transmission overhauled and I don’t think it’s working right”. Duh!
So, in the pouring rain, with a little bit of huffing and puffing I copy out this man’s information on the hood of my car, and after picking up the 2 foot piece of gold ribbon, head into the Accident Reporting Centre in Peterborough. The uninterested, well-fed man behind the desk pretending to actually be doing something on his computer screen says "we don't look after accidents that happen in Lakefield anymore. You have to call the Lakefield Police", and he points me to a phone on the wall with a direct line to the Peterborough-Lakefield Police Department (which by the way IS where I am). I say to the person who answers, "I'd like to speak with someone at your Lakefield detachment". He says, "would you like their number?". I say, I'm in your lobby on the direct line phone, can't you just put me through?". The call is connected, but of course, no one is in the police station in Lakefield, so I get an answering machine. I leave my message. I drive home.
Car parked in the driveway, boots off, coat off, I see that someone has called from the Lakefield Police station, but they've not left a message, so boots on, coat on and out the driveway I go. On my way I see that the police have just finished with someone he's pulled over, so I follow his car into the parking lot where I figure he's driving to fill out a report, consume a doughnut or something else. But, he doesn't stop and exits the parking lot with me in pursuit.
As the two of us make our way down the main street of Lakefield, I flash my lights at him realizing that this is actually the first time I’ve pulled over a cop. I snicker. He pulls over, and I pull in front of him, go back to his cruiser, and ask "How does a guy go about reporting an accident in this town?" He says "Are you Bob?". "That's me" I reply, and I get into his car and file the damned report.
OK, so now people who know me think that I've been pulled over, and the next day I get approached by a host of people asking “what did you do yesterday to get pulled over?”
You know… all I wanted was a little fucking piece of ribbon for my christmas decorations!